Living With Guilt Over My Deceased Dog
The last hour or so has been an emotional one. My dog Jake passed away this evening. Jake has been my pet since I was around 12 years old, so that makes him about 11 years old. The cause of death is unknown but my best guess right now is that he simply died of old age.
I got Jake as he was a small puppy and was a bit crazy over him. Obsessed would be a better word to describe my feelings toward him. I was protective, always scared he would be harmed and did not want him running the woods which he loved to do. After he was a few years old, I decided to put him on a chain because I feared for his safety after one night he had been bitten by something on the leg. It caused his leg to swell up until it split open. I held him wrapped into my arms with a blanket the entire night.
Jake began living his life on a chain with his igloo dog house. We would let him off the chain occassionally so that he could run around. As he got older and I got older, I began fading away from him. The times we let him off the chain started getting less and less. I knew this was wrong, but his dog house was out under a tree sort of out of our way. It was easy for me to forget about him and not think of him but every once in a while when I would say “I need to let Jake off the chain. I don’t want him to die on that chain. He hasn’t had much of a life. He’s basically a prisoner.” With my life and problems, I hardly ever thought about it.
Two years ago I got a new dog. Her name is Zoey and she stays in the house most of the time but goes outside everyday. She’s a small dog and is my pride and joy. I often refer to her as my daughter. Today, December 13th is her second birthday and coincidentally it is the day Jake died.
Jake’s Death
This evening when my little cousin went out to feed Jake, he noticed Jake wasn’t moving. He was on the chain and lying on the ground with no movement. My cousin came running in to tell me that something was wrong with Jake. I put on my shoes and coat and ran out there with a flashlight to see what was going on. I see Jake laying on the ground with his eyes half open as he was taking in a breath every 5 seconds. I looked in his mouth to see if he was choking but saw nothing except his lifeless tongue. He wasn’t responding to anything. I knew he was passing away.
I then picked up his limp body and carried him to our back porch and wrapped him up in a blanket. I was not going to let him die out there on that chain on the cold wet ground. He layed there not moving or responding but still kind of breathing. Overwhelmed with sadness I had to walk away and cry. I kept coming back to check on him and pet on him because I didn’t want him to pass away alone. As I was sobbing, I apologized to him for not spending time with him anymore, or letting him live his life off the chain. I walked in the house to grab my guitar to bring out and play soft music for him as I figured that would soothe him and make him feel peaceful, but when I returned with my guitar, he was already gone.
I’ve cried off and on for the past hour and will never forgive myself for not letting him off that chain. I lost another peice of my childhood tonight.
If you have a pet that you keep chained or caged up, please let it run free. Don’t think about or talk about letting it off, just let the dog off the chain. Don’t make the same mistake I did. If you are in a circumstance where the animal must be on a chain or in a small caged fence, do yourself and your pet a favor and give him/her to someone you trust so that it can be free. If you love your pet then you will do that. An early death with freedom is better than a long life as a prisoner.
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Brandon Online
Hi Brandon,
I followed your ad on Craigslist and came across your blog.
Two things struck me real hard:
1. That you really love (not leved) your dog Jake.
2. That you have a nice looking blog.
Here’s wishing you the very best as you cope with the loss. (I’ve been there… I know.). Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Take care.
Thank you very much Rahul